Ya Allah,
End me
and along with me end the problems of those suffering because of me.
Please.
That's all.

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Hoping to meet my death soon.
Inshallah.

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Nobody can take away from you what is meant for you be it your respect, acknowledgements, credits or success. What is yours is yours, khalas. The society we live in is a society full of hatred and hasad. One good thing that happens to you turns out making 100 enemies of yours who remain envious of you. And it's normal today. During these days is when taqwa and tawakul come into play. Observing taqwa, and tawakul on our lord is the only cure to face these filthy heart diseases. Let go and forgive such people and move on. Life is full of surprises and wonders. Allow no hate from any side or in any form affect you or your performance. Remember no matter how bad they hate you they can NEVER take away happiness meant for you. And happiness is always ever by good deeds and hard work. So continue doing and being good, regardless. May Allah SWT help people who are facing such societal filth, make them stronger to grow through these tough times and guide us all.
Ameen ya rabbal alameen.

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يوم افترقنا عند الفجر
يا له من فجر قاسي
لا يمكن للكلمات أن تشرح ما شعرت به عندما تركتك
وقلت لي شيئا...
الذي سأتذكره طوال حياتي لن تجد قلبًا مرة أخرى،
من هو أكثر حنون تجاهك مني؟
رحلة سعيدة لك.

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It's scary، isn't it?

کیا یہ ہولناک نہیں؟
کے جس شخص کی خوشی کے لیئے آپ دن رات سوچتے تھے، جس کی فکر آپکے رگوں میں بہا کرتی تھی، جسکی کامیابی کے لیے آپ گھنٹوں دعائیں کرتے تھے، جسکی خیر خوبی کے لیے آپ روزے رکھا کرتے تھے۔ کیا یہ ہولناک نہیں ہے کے وہی شخص آپکو غموں کی بدعا دے، آپکی ہر چھوٹی سے چھوٹی خوشی سے چڑھے، کہے کے آپکی زندگی میں کچھ تو چل رہا اور آپسے آپکی بچی کچی زندگی بھی چھین لے۔ کیا یہ ہولناک نہیں کے اسے آپکی حالت پر رحم تو دور ترس بھی نہ آئے۔ آپکی تکلیفوں میں دیکھ اسکی ہائے نہیں واہ نکلے۔ کیا یہ ہولناک نہیں کے آپکے کچھ غلط نہ کرنے کے باوجود خدا خود بھی آپکا ساتھ نہ دے، خدا اور وہ شخص دونوں دوست ہو کر آپسے ایک ساتھ نفرت کریں۔ کیا بگاڑا ہوگا کسی نے کسی کا اتنا کے ایسے ہولناک منظر سے اُسے گزرنا پڑے ۔ خدا کو تو فرعون پر بھی رحم تھا۔ پھر کیسے وہی خدا اور وہی شخص جنکا آپ ہمیشہ سونچا کرتے تھے، کیسے کے وہی سب آپکو آپکی زندگی سے محروم کرچکے!
ہائے میری رب!

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Dear God,
Give me an early death
So I live longer.

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I am waiting and I'll wait more.
Waiting for Allah SWT to help me, the same way he did when Ibrahim AS's people threw him into this huge fire, he my lord, turned that fire into a beautiful peaceful garden for him. My body, my spirit, my mental health are all at the verge of turning into ashes now. They did not care for me when I remained alive the same way Ibrahim AS's people did. They betrayed me. They remain against my beliefs ya rab. They promised me their everything and left snatching my everything from me ya rab. He found Allah SWT. I have found you too my lord. But why though I still burn in this fire then? When will you change this fire into a garden? When will you help me let go of people who threw me away into this fire? What is left yet to be done to me? Is there more? Why is there more? I am a mere slave ya Allah, grant me sabr and please turn this fire into a garden again. Please ya rab.
You remain the only one who cares for me so please do. Please let me endure this with grace and dignity ya rab. Do not let me walk astray. I am eagerly waiting for your help, still, always and forever.
Ameen summa ameen ya rabbal alameen.

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What do you do?
What do you do when you are tired of being okay with the things you're not okay with?!

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I lost myself today.
The only best friend I ever had betrayed me to my death.
Pray for my dead heart's recovery.

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Dear diary.
As I wrote this down tears dripped down my eyes and I smiled.

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