Too long that I had allowed myself to be weighed down
Too long that I had tried to save the self from the world's unwanted frowns
Those were moments of transient safety
Safety that probably meant a secured 'captivity'-but one that stared too hard at the meaning of my nativity
Trading my existence to an act so beautifully masked...until the insides burst
The colors were wild ...too bright to be caged inside
Being an outlaw..being alone felt strong
Maybe stronger ..even as the world assumed me to be wrong
The 'self' felt so defined..as I overstepped the boundaries the world had outlined

The weeds of freedom slowly creeped right over the confined walls of fear
Was there really anything to choose?
The one who embraced the self ..had nothing more to lose...

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And as I stare up at the stellar mosaic..I realize theres a pattern to everything...
Funny..how you travel to search..and then you come back to find it all within.
Hurt is such a grand self indulgence
That pattern..as you travel from that elusive sentiment of happiness to pain...and pain..to freedom..
Glad I didn't fit... Glad I didn't see myself accomodating to fleeting happiness.
Or else I wouldn't seek.
Sifting through the scary deeps to uncover..that home..that wilderness within..

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I move on...
Carrying bits of everyday in me..
Or am I leaving a rest of me in them...scattered all over

My soul feels heavy...of this aquired identity..name..and the way this world plays life's game
Generous world though to have offered me these..

My soul moves on..
Through this massive energy field..
Entangling...disentangling...
Some others souls..I meet and greet
And some..I meet only to fleet

And my soul moves on...
From these undecided empty kinships
Heavy from yielding to the ways the world expects
Choking deep down..trying to be real.. Trying what your soul wants to express...

And my soul moves on...
Longing to be away ...freed from the layers of human roughness and tenderness..
Yearning for some known place that I couldnt be
Homesick for the unknown...that on this earth I couldn't see..

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HiIt seemed another day....of this quarantine..
But the air was eager...my mind entwined...

Fleeting shots of things I have known....
And yet a longing for a thing unknown...

Solitude sometimes..made the loudest noise
At times healing...at times with a feat to destroy...

Watching the snippets through a haze of forgetfulness...of things so fond...
The past is at times...a little too distant to be a thing of comfort...

Time transformed into these crevices in my mind...
I know not what I seek...uncertain of what am trying to find...

Keeping me warm one moment...ripping me apart the next...
The embrace loosening its grip...and into the deep cold crevice once again..

Swirling from the pure madness of love....to being hauled into the sadness scruff...

So incoherent....so uneditable.....
So heart wrenching....and yet so indelible!!!

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The damage still exists....
....but a little less control on my life....

As this aura sent ripples that soothed..but just a half of my heart....
The other still remained broken.... And wary of having to deal with more hurt.....

She felt being evicted.... From the rest of the world...
To this one place.... That after long didn't seem so gloomy.....

And as she split each strand of all she felt..
She saw clearly...all those emotions had an anatomy!!

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And through all that I have lost.... Everytime it has revealed a new me....
A little more detached... A little more strong...
Loosening the grips of this world.... And setting my soul free....!!

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And that was the point.... Where the dark diffused into light....
Or is it my mind... Maybe it is otherwise..
The boundary of all the known coming to an end....
Seamlessly paving the beginning of strangeness...seemed such a perfect blend....
The mind at war... Endless hows and whys...
A little part of it seeking comfort...wanting to cry....
And a smiling fearless rest of me.... Embracing the darkness.... As the unknown seemed like magic.... Cause stepping over the limit with no ground underneath ...
A racing heart.. Another moment.. And I would learn to fly!!!

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Just an ode to all the nothingness....
All so infinite...and yet we caught up in this chaotic randomness....
And such are the ways of this grand existence..
Arbitrarily choosing a beginning.... Until we stumble upon that unknown end.....
What does it look like at the end?
As we transcend from being a name.. To just a mere body... And finally find ourselves framed fondly against the wall ...or in someone's memories.....

A sudden pause to all that we do to get through this circle of life...
Nothing taken from here... It's all about what we leave behind...

So where is the constant... What is it that is
endless...?
I sit and ponder embracing this nothingness...
Still seeking and sailing through life.... Such a gorgeous blessed mess.... !!

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Another day...nearing the end..
Each moment ticks by...with one less breath...

The mind mirrors back the life gone by...
She halts to clear the haze....
Unperturbed by the subliminal lies in her own gaze...
Swallowing the thoughts down the labyrinth of a fragmented ego...
Had freed herself from those shackles ... aeons ago...

Hunting for some trail... But there were barely any marks..
All she heard was the calling... Such is the tenderness of the dark..

Another step... Nearing the end...
The unfathomable unknown ahead... She hoped to befriend...
Was it really the end?... Or the beginning of new possibilities to exist...
She moved on... Hoping for endless miles.. Even beyond the scary mist...

What is this tug that she feels...?
Faded echoes from an aeon of memories...
She looks back... At the silhouettes from an epoch..
A rest of her left behind to once where she belonged...

All she once knew...was washed away...
It all now seemed like an unknown land...
She smiled and headed again for the mist...
The past now seemed like tiny specs on the sand... !!

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As I stare at the silent night.....
The bewitching cosmos... and all of the grandiose...
What is it that I long?
Or is it a sense that its where I belong... ?
Feeling the tug of that seductive noir....Through the silence... And the crispy air. ..
What is it that I seek... ? What am I trying to find?
It's a feeling of coming home...
Is this life a detour of the mind??

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