~ lost a lil piece to someone; got a lil piece from someone ~

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Stop looking for the thing outside when it lies in you.

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A day to remember

Dec 23, 2021— % &It was the last days of our anatomy dissection revision classes. Only had anatomy in the morning session. Nearly 2 hours of standing in the mid of about 30 to 45 people in Arumugam Sir's table. Constant ache in legs; fear to answer his questions; fucking formalin burning eyes. And, after the session ended, we will be having some knowledge in the littlest part of anatomy, hoping we'd use it someday in the future. The pain in legs will be worth his session. No butterflies in stomach, only caterpillars. Hunger. Food. And, this day I was so much hungry. I don't usually go out to eat alone. I hv always feared loneliness. I have so much insecurities as everyone arnd hav. And, at that stage of my life, I had no one to rely on cos of some mess I created in my life.— % &I didn't realized I depend on people so much until they left me. I needed a company to eat with me. I feared eating alone. But, in college you can't expect everything you want to happen. And, when my friends leave me, I was alone. I realized i was the one clinging over them. I hv cried to myself at times, for choosing bad companies. But, it is only the bad people who will teach you good lessons. Thanks to them for choosing to leave me. No offense. And, this day, I was so much hungry and I called one of my trustworthy friend in college asking to join me to eat in a restaurant. But, that friend instead of giving me company told me to eat alone knowing that i fear eating alone. Instead of using my vulnerability, that person chose to help me overcome my fear.— % &And, that day I realized I was surrounded with so many toxic people who use other's vulnerabilities so easily for their selfish needs. And, I went to Madhuram, a vegetarian restaurant at one side of the four road junction from my college. I parked my scooty. Went inside. Ordered a set of poori. I think I gpay-ed the amount. Waited for that. Picked my food. Sat in the mid of the rows of chairs. There were no one in the restaurant, as it was brunch time. I was all alone. I took some videos of me eating poori and my happy self overcoming her fear. And, then this happened. Sambar was gaali. Another fear raised. Whether to ask for extra sambar!? What will they think? Do I really need sambar for this last ¼ th of poori? Can't I just adjust with what I have? And, with these thoughts in mind, poori got over. And, I successfully overcame my fear of eating alone.— % &And, again on Dec 31, 2021 I went alone to have lunch. But this time, there were so many people, sadly. I found myself a place at the right corner of the restaurant and ate Sambhar saadham with appalam. There were so many veggies. Poor me. Ate the rice and left the place. And, here I am, happily. We are all happy in social media. Let's also talk about our insecurities and the way we get over it. Let's normalize bad things. Let's normalize everyone aren't happy. Let's normalize no one's living a perfect life. Let's normalize being ourselves. Let's normalize people having a bad phase. Just a bad day or a bad phase, not a bad life :)
— % &

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I remember it all too well.

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Every first mistake is a lesson.
It's upto you to learn from it or
keep on repeating it.
Choose wisely.— % &

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The more you hold on to past,
the more you lose yourself in present. — % &

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You can't un-love someone
who you loved more than yourself.— % &

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"Don't let your past ruin your life"

"Let it, for all that is already ruined."— % &— % &

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Surround yourself with people
who help you overcome your fear;
not those who utilize your
weakness for their purpose. — % &

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Life is full of surprises and miracles.— % &

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