To embrace life
When others wanted me to sink

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I'm supposed to feel okay
To fully function in the world
Even when the stress levels have hit the ceiling
Unsure if after this there's any healing

-

My life is collapsing around me
While I listen to music at ground zero

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Behind those earnest smiles, normal conversations and seemingly genuine laughter
You're grieving, aren't you?

(You know what, me too!)

-

Whether they are
On their body, or in their mind
Some people can't help
But constantly rub salt
In their wounds.

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I tried to remember
The faint whispers
Conveying promises
Of a brighter future.

Were they warnings
Of the destruction
Yet to be unfolded?

They were whispers
Or maybe
Life sentences.

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Even at 21,
I'm not allowed to go outside the house without their permission
Solo-trips remain an unachievable dream
And to them feedback and criticism are things only they can give to me
Not vice-versa.
But well, that's how it must be
For all Indian middle class fam.

-

After spending so many years
Close to you
I realise you're no monster
But, neither you are the divine
That I believed you to be.
Maybe just human
Understanding, but sometimes humiliating
Loving, but sometimes inconsiderate.
And now i don't know what to do with you.

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I'm done chasing happiness
I'm done chasing you
I'm done trying to chase anything
That the world tells me to.

-

Couldn't lead, fearing I'd lead you astray
Couldn't follow, unsure if I could keep up with your pace
Couldn't walk alongside, worried that you would hold my hand

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