So I lost my first love to my best friend last year.
He was the one who was 'the bad guy' in everyone's eyes but for me he was just perfect. Talking to him felt like a therapy, you know, the kind you need after a long day. He talks magic. I loved talking to him. He had proposed me before to be his girlfriend but I declined that (I wanted to focus on my studies only). Months after we stopped talking, he started talking with my best friend. I don't know about him but I always had feelings for him and she (my best friend) knew this.
She was the introvert kind. She never talked much. She never really shared her secrets with me but to me she meant the world. I used to share with her every detail of my chat with this guy. At first even she used to believe that he is not a 'good guy'. But once she started talking to him, she realised why I loved talking to him. She started falling for him, slowly. But as I said I never knew what happened in her life.
Though they are not in a relationship, I know that they both feel for each other. This depresses me even more. I don't talk to both of them, not that I'm jealous but it's just that I can't. I've tried to talk to my 'once' best friend but I am scared to see the feelings in her eyes, whenever we meet we always ignore this topic though I want to talk about it, I want her to tell me clearly about her feelings for him. But I just can't ask her directly. Yes, I'm kind of afraid to know the truth. This constant feeling of wanting to know and not being able to hear is what is killing me from within. I feel that I have no friend left and this is true because the ones who are still with me are because of their selfish motives.