I need to get elevated beyond the Sentiments of Life and start playing the game which I have abandoned for too long now. I need to rise above myself and be whatever God has planned me to be. I need to wake up and live everyday, and die every night, like a practice, till my final sleep is just something where I keep dreaming about the ecstasy I would be in if I could take her hand and disappear into a world from which there is no return.

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The Sentiments Of Life

I often feel blessed that I could feel things more than most people. Things affected me more deeply than many people I know. Life laughed and cried and shouted and rained. I took it as my responsibility to mirror whatever the feeling it was that the world needed to go through. I was a reflection of the pain that I saw in this world.

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I need to laugh and cry. Make a prayer in the rain. Sit near a little pond and see my reflection. Wake up in the morning and experience the cold just before the sun rises. Travel to the places which can transcend my memory. Experience the seasons which can impress my senses. Stay in this world and finish whatever is left of life.

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When I would wake up to live is as uncertain as my insecurity is. I wish I could sleep forever dreaming along with her, creating the legacy that we envisioned for ourselves in the faraway traces of our imagination. The clarity with which fate destroyed my dream and woke me up every morning convinced me that the traces wouldn't last much longer. I had to continue travelling.

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I had to keep moving towards whatever I could find as a destination, sometimes turning back to feel for a moment what I truly aspire, but eventually finding the strength not to turn back ever. I had to be courageous enough to never even for a moment do what my heart truly wants. I have to be brave enough to twist and replace the consciousness of my soul. I need to feel beautiful again, and for that, I have to abandon the most beautiful thing I can possibly have felt in this life. 

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She kept smiling, trying to awaken me from this sentimental dream, from this memory that defined my life. She held back everything she wanted and kept smiling hoping to make me smile. I knew why life laughed at me with pride. My eyes could see it had gotten far enough from her as was possible. I could see her disappearing faintly into the distance of my memory as I closed my eyes hoping it would be death at least this time around.

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She was my reflection, my world. I never knew the deepest of my emotions could ever be expressed or forced to come out. There was no one another way which was either equally beautiful or impressive which could have been brought forward by fate. The way her voice could bring to life my soulful sufferings and make me close my eyes with unimaginable pleasure was the base of everything I felt and knew.

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