मिस्मार

हर शब के साथ कुछ सपने चढ़ते हैं ज़ेहन में ,
फ़िर शुआ के साथ कहीं पिघल, ग़ुम हो जाते हैं।
चंद लम्हों के लिए हम खो जाते हैं उस ग़म-गुसार शहर में ,
फिर हर सहर अपनी हक़ीक़त में लौट आते हैं।

कुछ रात साहिल पर जो ख़्वाब चढ़ते हैं परवाज़ ,
सहर की पहली लहर से मुश्त-ए-ख़ाक हो जाते हैं।
करते हैं कई दफ़ा कोशिश इस क़फ़स से निकलने की ,
पर अपनी महीयत के आगे असीर रह जाते हैं।

निहाँ है कहीं किसी कोने में जीवन की खुशियाँ ,
अर्श से अर्ज़ तक हम उनको इज़्तिराबन ख़ोजते जाते हैं ,
बहलाते हैं दिल को दुनिया के फ़लसफ़ों से , फिर
उन्ही में खुशियों को मिस्मार कर, बिन सोज़, आगे बढ़ जाते हैं।

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Collision

'We were always on a collision course, right', she sighs, standing on the beach in the wee hours of morning. 'It was more a matter of when than if, wasn't it?'
He stays silent and gives a dry smile.
'Sometimes I get confused with your silences - whether they answer more questions or ask them’, she says squinting her eyes.
He sighs deeply - 'Our relationship was built on an uneven ground of priorities & expectations, & it’s a bad place to start with, for the relationship will always wobble, & one of the legs will end up sharing a higher load than the other, ultimately leading to one of them wearing the other one out.'
'You mean to say I wore you out', she asks a bit surprised. 'Nah, we both did.' She bites her lip, waiting for him to speak more.
'We were haunted by the demons of our past, the machinations of our surroundings, the uncertainties of our future, & no decision could have ever satisfied them all!'

'Was there anything that we could have done differently', she asks as she starts making her way back!

'Loved each other more maybe, or maybe less', he shrugs - 'As you said, we were always on a collision course! No amount of love could have ever saved us from that!'

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Eggshells

‘You know I always thought we would have a full verbal spat like they show in movies before falling out’, she quips as they wait for their respective locals. ‘What would have been the point anyway’, he says wryly. ‘I don’t know where it all went wrong’, she reminisces looking at him. ‘Our differences - they just increased the distances between us’, he says with a sigh. ‘Somewhere down the line, it stopped being about us, and started being about you and me! And somehow, in trying to keep you always in front, I lost myself.’

‘Why do you say that’, she asks as the announcement happens for the next train.

‘In trying to keep you before me, I landed myself up in a place where I couldn’t even say openly what and how I felt, for the fear of making you angry and mad. I realised that I’d started walking on egg-shells, & I couldn’t continue that forever. As much as I loved you, & wanted to be with you, I never got back the same vibe from you.’

‘You shouldn’t say that’, she says impatiently. ‘Even if I don’t say it, that doesn’t mean that I don’t feel for you the same way. You know this!’
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Full piece in the caption!

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Hindsight

‘But wouldn’t it have been better if I had taken the other road’, she asks with a sigh.

He gives a slight smile. ‘Hindsight vision is anything but 20/20 - in hindsight, decisions & choices look simpler - we feel we could have reacted differently, easily, when actually we can never know for sure what would have happened if we would have taken the other road!’

‘But this decision is not easy’, she shrugs.

‘No decision ever is’, he clicks his tongue. ‘Choosing a path that requires courage, struggles, & sacrifices is always difficult because let’s face it - we all want happiness but we find it difficult to work for it, feeling that we have had our fair share of struggles in our lives, & that the universe owes it to us for all that we have sacrificed & struggled, & because we compare our lives with others & you know how it is - the grass is always greener on the other side!’

‘What do I do then’, she asks with a hint of sorrow.

‘Just cause a path seems easy now, doesn’t mean it always will be & vice versa. You make a choice of what or who you feel will keep you happy, when everything else around you might fail or fall, & then you create your own path to that happiness.’

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माह-ए-कामिल

इक मुठ्ठी में अपने जहाँ को बसने चले थे ,
पर इस ज़माने ने भी क्या बख़ूबी समझाया ,
कि खुली आँखों से ख़्वाब नहीं देखा करते।

उस ख़ुदा ने भी क्या खूब मेरे सजदे सुने ,
ज़ुल्मत से निकाल कर नूर में दी पनाह ,
पर फ़िर हमारी आरज़ुओं को भी तुरबत दी।

इक सुकून का क़याम जो अपने आशियाने में सोचा था,
पर शायद वो जुस्तजू थी कुछ पायाब,
की उसकी चाहत ने उस आशियाने को ताराज़ कर दिया।

अना की तासीर कुछ यूँ पर्वाज़ लेती है ,
कि वक़्त की राह पर से नक़्श-ए-पा ग़ुम जाते हैं ,
और महफ़िल में हो कर भी ख़ल्वत की चाहत होती है।

इस ज़माने की जफ़ा की मफ़हूम खोजने चले थे ,
पर लिखी थी जब रिफ़ाक़त की जगह रंजिश ,
फ़िर अपनी ख़्वाहिशों के ज़िन्दान में बिखरना ही मुक़म्मल हुआ।

अब इक तन्हाई की रुबाई ख़ुद को सुनाते हैं ,
और स्याह सी रात में माह-ए-कामिल की सिफ़ारिश कर ,
नम आखों और मरतूब आरिज़ों संग सो जाते हैं।

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Intent


‘Not always, it doesn’t’, she sniffs. ‘For all my imperfections, I never faltered in being there for him, even when he didn’t want me to, and now when I need him the most, to maybe just once hold me and tell me that it’s going to be okay, and that he loves and that he has my back, he is not there!

Sometimes more than the effort, it’s the intent that matters! And how deep that intent of reaching out goes.’
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Read the entire piece in the caption!

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Apathy

'Do you know what the opposite of love is', she asks him as they walk back home together under an umbrella. 'Hate', he shrugs.

'Nah', she dismisses him with a wave of her hand. 'Even I used to think the same. But hate is just love filled with anger, resentment and a feeling of betrayal. It's just feelings that have gone sour, but the feelings are still there, somewhere inside.'

'If not hate, then what', he pulls her closer as the rain increases.

'It's apathy', she says with a sigh. 'It's the complete absence of feelings, when you've been hurt in such a way, you don't want anything to do with that person, and it doesn't matter to you whatever happens to them. It's not caring less, it's just not caring at all for someone. Hate makes it appear as if at least there was something between two people, apathy takes it all away.'

'Remind me to never break your heart', he jokes with a stupid smile as they enter their home, slightly drenched.

She looks at him slyly. 'If you break my heart, I'll hate you with all my passion, but apathy, no! I think apathy hurts the worst, and I wouldn't wish that to anyone!'

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A Sinking Feeling in the Heart

Whenever I used to read in books the phrase - to have a sinking feeling in the heart, I used to wonder how that would feel like?

Now, when I feel a piercing pain of you not being there and how I still try to find you everywhere, I understand how it feels like to have a gaping hole in the heart with you just drowning inside it!

Now when I die a little every day thinking about how your hands felt when they were in mine, and how I wouldn't ever get that feeling again, I understand how it feels like to have a constant empty feeling in the heart!

Now when I know that we can never be together, and yet my heart thinks of you every chance it gets through a constant pain, I understand how it feels like when your heart beats so fast you're left gasping for breath!

Now when I cry myself to sleep in the early hours of the morning blaming myself and finding faults within me, I understand how it feels like when every breath you take seems like your heart will explode!

Now when I feel devastated, sad, broken and hopeless at the same time, I understand how it feels to have a sinking feeling in your heart!

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Somewhere!

There's a universe out there,
And there's a universe within us!
There's an eternity of life without you,
And there's an eternal companionship with you!

Just like the sun lights up the sky,
And the moon lights up the night,
You have been lighting me up forever,
Like a genie with a rune!

Somewhere as two sceptics walk down a path,
Such flurry of thoughts rush by!

The two pessimists try to become one optimist,
But the journey to complete isn't really easy!
How to bear the vicissitudes of each other with?
How to prevent from falling into the abyss?

If you remain you, and I remain I,
How will we see how the world looks from a single eye!

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Enough!

'Is this goodbye', he sniffles. 'I don't know', she says in a low voice. 'There was a hope, a dream, an idea of a life that we could have had - and even if it was all in my dreams, I just miss that idea of that life we couldn't live, even if you never saw those dreams with me.'

'But you can't blame me for things going wrong. I did what I could', he shrugs.
'I don't blame you', she says teary eyed. 'But you know, the essence of trust in a relationship is in it's bind and you gotta trust the person you love - there are no half measures, you gotta choose that one person, over and over again, and stand by them, for even they might not know when they might need you!
We all need people by our side to fight our battles! It isn't weakness to have someone for support, it just gives you strength to know that you've someone willing to stand with you through it all!

You just never loved me or trusted me enough to be there by my side, when I needed you the most!'

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