I'm done acting like crushes are insignificant.
As if it's something stupid.
That the sweet moments aren't worth being stuck on,
Just because we didn't say things out loud!
Because I fell for you without an 'I love you'.
It's been over 7 years and I still get nervous and giggly at thoughts of you.
Being caught up in an internal turmoil is the best feeling.
That one time when you complimented my eyes on the way back on our daily bus ride.
Maybe it was just a second's thought in your head.
But it's the first thing that pops up in my head when someone asks me about a feature I love on me.
There are so many people I've lost and left.
Although we didn't have a falling out.
I feel gulity at times for not taking a chance, or for being too scared.
If only I'd made the first move.
Maybe I could have called you an ex or the one that got away.
And not just an old friend from school.
It's so sour, you being at hand's reach.
But not mine to hold.-
SOFTER
Hey,
Guess what?
I’m writing this using the ink pen your mom bought me.
I think it suits me.
More fragile, more poise.
Something you wouldn’t feel ashamed to show off.
I think I stopped pressing too hard when I scrawl.
I don’t crease the pages or break pencil tips.
The blades don’t tear my skin as eagerly as before either.
I feel like I’ve gotten a softer hold.
Unlike before, If I let go. It’s not a Bye, forever.
Because I know he’d be here than anywhere else.
He likes my soothing strokes,
He feels stronger with my hand in his.
Maybe, I should've loosened up on you too.
Yet look where it got me!
To the folds, I never wanted to see.-
PEACE
Those nights where the fan is on full speed,
And you have a cold glass of beer or a full plate of food.
You just put a random episode of whatever season of your favorite show.
And you sit there, sighing peacefully.
Playing in the background is the Wisp Sings by Winter Aid,
You're overcome by peace.
Nostalgia, maybe just gratitude.
Not to anyone in specific, but the number of years you've been here, like this.
Like the final episode of a drama, where each and every character gets closure from what wrecked them all these years.
That peace, that just tells you everything has fallen in place.
That tomorrow, the thing that bothered you won't come for it's daily rounds.
You are free,
And that isn't because you weren't able to control it.
But it's also someone else's baggage you held on to for far too long,
It's them who got peace too.
You weren't as selfish as you thought,
You weren't an arson.
Peace doesn't have to be an every-minute thing.
Would you be as happy as you are now if it was always like this?
Time heals.
Peace reminds you, that you're getting there.
It doesn't have to be about letting go,
Who knew this heavy feeling could also be a part of happiness.
-